Being a tourist in my own life
Seeing the mundane as new again
I have always loved traveling. I love seeing new things and experiencing as much as I possibly can. I want to try everything a place has to offer; to soak it all in before I have to leave. I imagine this is the same for many of you.
When I get home after a visit to a new place, I get a little bummed out. At home, I’ve touched all these things. Tasted all these foods. Seen all these sights. Boo.
After returning from our latest trip and really feeling these feelings, I caught myself one day and said, “knock it off. You’ll never ever be happy with your life if you keep this up.” So I decided to treat each thing in my life as if it were new and if that didn’t work, to treat them as revelations.
When I was bored with a lovely restaurant in Boston that my husband and I often go to before theatre reservations, I checked myself and said, “imagine you’re in a foreign country.” Who knows if the Parisian restaurants we ate at were as amazing as we thought or if we just loved them because they were new and different? (Truthfully, they were amazing but you get my point.) So I imagined that the Boston restaurant represented a delicious meal with my husband and pretended I hadn’t eaten there before and you know what? It was fine. It wasn’t amazing but I wasn’t grumbling like a spoiled child anymore. I made it feel exciting just by changing my mindset. It helped lift me from the doldrums and see how beautiful that evening was (even if we missed our show because we got the location wrong because of jet lag). And I will actually remember it specifically because an older couple sat near us, delighted to have gotten a table, because they were exhausted from protesting nearby and just wanted to celebrate their hard work for the day. And I thought, ‘I love Boston SO much.” And I do. I always have loved my hometown. Someday I think we might move back.
But I don’t currently live in Boston (I live about 15 miles away), so I needed to keep my focus on the suburb where I feel bored. So I did.
When I walk into my living room and collapse on the chair I love, I revel in the light coming from the window and how comfortable my living room is. When I sit in a comfortable place elsewhere, I revel in what the hosts have done to make it amazing, the thoughtful details and personality touches. So I put those metaphorical glasses on and do the same for myself in my own home. I honor the work we did to make this place ours and instead of seeing all the issues that a homeowner sees, I see all the happy memories and decisions that went into making this our home.
It comes down to something even more simple than all of this - gratitude. The other night I awoke in the wee hours and decided to use the bathroom since I was awake. Away from our brown noise machine (necessary because of a neighbor’s set of beagles that like to howl all night), I realized that it was pouring rain outside. A really intense amount of rain. I always appreciate these moments because we have a metal roof and I LOVE that sound, but it was so intense with driving winds, that I stopped to be grateful that we had any roof over our heads. We weren’t out in these conditions and counted that blessing. Then of course I thought of the countless who don’t have roofs and I hoped they found shelter for the night. Sometimes it’s simply reveling in the gratitude of our own privilege and if so able, doing something to help those with less.
I tend to be a grumbler which is a weird thing because I also deeply appreciate how lucky I am. I don’t know if it’s genetic to complain or if I just somehow became a person who does it, but while in my head I’m often celebrating all the good in my life, I often find my mouth talking about all the grumbly bits. I’m trying to catch myself by flipping the negative thought processes on their heads and pointing out to myself just how great things can be - even when not so great things happen.
I know there are technical terms for what I’m doing here (growth mindset vs. fixed, etc), but very specifically I am currently focused on trying to be a tourist in my own life so it feels exciting and new. I realized the other day that next year I’ll have lived in our current home the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere (15 years and 3 months is the length to beat). This feels INSANE to me as that other location was my beloved childhood home; how could it be possible that I’ve doubled the amount of my life to accommodate that amount of time?! (Nevermind that in reality I’ve almost tripled that amount of my life…ahem). After living in a place for so long, everything feels routine, like muscle memory. I’m trying to wake myself up from that catatonic state without having to leave and see other places.
Recently (or a million years ago according to internet time), a post took the internet by storm and the responses were shared in slideshow collections across all the social media platforms. The post asked people to share how they add whimsy to their everyday lives. (This link is just to one of the many that have popped up). The responses are all joyous and represent the part of the internet that I love the very best. I love the idea of focusing on the whimsy. The tourism. They appreciation. Let’s do it. You in? How do you add whimsy to your everyday?
-Kerry
What I’ve loved this week (and some from last as I left that post without links):
I had never been to a Hooters until about 8 or so years ago. My little fam of 4 needed lunch on the way to a NH vacation with my extended family. I saw a Hooters and Navy (husband) knew I always wanted to go to one and in we pulled. I was shocked at how great it was. Food was delicious and they gave the kids free shirts which we thought was hilarious. All in all, our experience was awesome and I was thrilled by it. So reading this article makes me even happier about the entire Hooters experience. Read it for some joy and a sense of hope. (Gifted the article so you don’t hit a paywall)
Another gifted NYTimes article here, and this one is a whammy so prepare yourself if you need to. It’s about emotional immaturity in parents and I found great comfort in it. I’ll be reading this book at some point. From a completely different view on a similar subject (estrangement from your parents), I found this substack post almost right after reading the NYTimes article and it’s really interesting to view from both sides. Most interesting to me was reading the comments section of the substack post. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m still on instagram for now (migrating is taking longer than I thought as I’ve had other things to do). I am one of the many who loved and supported Garron Noone’s recent videos and am sorry he felt he had to delete his accounts because of crazy people. Garron Noone was going to be the top of my list of things I’d miss about Instagram and knowing he’s not there anymore is very sad but actually helping me to pull myself away. Thankfully he’s still over on Youtube. His videos are absolutely hilarious. ANYWAY. Also on Instagram, I love Under the Desk News. And their recent post really was completely lovely. It goes through happy news at the end, like they often do, but this one had a little bit more and it was really great. Give it a watch. Never know; you might be one of the folks who needs to hear it. (Yes; I know these are really TikTokers and not just Instagram folks but I am on Instagram and not TikTok).
- wrote a beautiful esay on When Your Old Self Has Died But Your New Self Hasn’t Fully Emerged Yet.
- shared this post on Getting Old (Or Rather: On Gearing Up for The Last Most Beautiful Third of Our Lives.) Which I found truly lovely. Warning: there are images of older women without clothes on so this is NSFW but gorgeous and important. As I face my own aging with each wrinkle, bit of looser skin, and white hairs, it’s a nice reminder of how lovely it all is. Especially in this day and age where everyone is trying to erase natural aging.
an antidote to the reality of aging, here’s another celebration of how rad our generation truly is by
This one is a joy so read up.For those of you, like me, who are taking big strides to leave the social webs of the internet, here’s another one.
talks about the elegance of digital disappearance.- really eased a part of my soul with her post on healing and ambition. “Ambition never felt right to me because now, I have nothing left to proof to anyone. Not because I am a raging success or all my dreams have come true - but because I know who I am. With or without achievements, that doesn’t change. The titles, labels or accolades do not change who I am. They can be a bonus, but they won’t be my foundation. The more I heal, the less ambitious I become.”
I love Graham Norton. I will gleefully watch his show no matter who’s on the couch because he does such a great job of connecting with his guests. It’s a joy and if you love stories and also happen to love celebrities, go follow his YouTube channel. Well, Graham also writes novels and I read his most recent one, Frankie, this past week and it was gorgeous. I’m sad to let those characters go.
I just picked up the first book in the Legendborn Cycle at the insistence of a good friend. It’s YA but it’s supposed to be one of those YA collections that’s just excellent (think Hunger Games). I started last night and am only a few chapters in but I’m getting intrigued!
That’s it for today folks! Hope you had a great weekend.
-Kerry